Being a family caregiver has plenty of sweet moments, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also emotionally challenging. It’s often stressful when you are searching for answers, wondering if you’re doing enough, and coping with the confusion of your changing relationship.

Here are five strategies to help you stay grounded and calm while caring for a loved one. Try them one at a time and notice what works best for you:

1. Practice self-compassion. Listen to your self-talk and be as kind to yourself as you would be talking to a friend. Eliminate perfection as a goal. Small acts of kindness, whether toward others or yourself, can soothe and boost your mood.
2. Connect with others. Share your feelings with friends, caregiver support groups, or a therapist to lighten your emotional load. Find a group through National Alliance for Caregiving, Family Caregiver Alliance, or the Hospice Foundation of America. Many health organizations, such as the Alzheimer’s Association, also have support groups.
3. Ask for help. Don’t hesitate to ask professionals, family, or friends for support. You can’t do it all alone and stay healthy. Make a list of tasks to delegate and say a big “YES” when help is offered. It’s also okay to say a grateful “No, thank you” to offers that don’t support your needs.
4. Stay present. Practice mindfulness by pausing for ten to fifteen minutes a day to take deep breaths and center yourself. Consider keeping a gratitude journal or quietly savoring a cup of tea. Such practices promote calm and let you appreciate the small joys in life.
5. Seek awe. Awe happens with wondrous experiences—falling stars, fireflies, a birth, a cathedral, a song—that amaze and add new dimension to life. Make time for awe. You may find it in nature, music, art, and/or spiritual experience. Noticing and savoring such moments can refresh your spirit and help keep everything in perspective.

Is caregiving taking a toll on you?
The journey can be rewarding, but it’s also filled with challenges such as stress, grief, and exhaustion. At Compassionate Community Care, we can offer strategies to help support your emotional health. As the San Francisco experts in caregiver support, we’re here to help you find balance and strength in your role. Call us today at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

If standing up causes dizziness for your loved one, even simple movements such as getting up from the couch or table can be unpleasant. The problem may be orthostatic hypotension (OH), also called “postural hypotension,” which happens when blood pressure drops suddenly after standing up from sitting or lying down. The resulting dizziness increases the risk of falls.

According to the Mayo Clinic, treatment should look beyond the low blood pressure to the root cause. Once the root cause is under treatment, you can help your loved one adopt some lifestyle changes to help prevent or manage their OH symptoms.

First, get a thorough diagnosis. Make the doctor aware of your relative’s symptoms. They may then run a number of tests for underlying causes. The list of possibilities is long and includes high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and vitamin B12 deficiency. Each of these requires treatment. Also, some medications contribute to OH by lowering blood pressure. Common culprits include diuretics, blood pressure medications, and certain antidepressants. Have your loved one’s medication list reviewed for potential side effects.

Learn practical steps for ongoing management. After identifying the root cause of your relative’s OH, the doctor will likely suggest taking some self-care steps. Following are some commonly recommended lifestyle changes:

• Slow movements. Sudden upward movements can trigger OH. Have your loved one wriggle and stretch their legs and feet before getting up. Then sit up slowly, pause, and stand gradually. If they still feel dizzy, they should sit or lie down until it passes.
• Proper hydration. One of the easiest ways to prevent OH is to stay hydrated. Typically, this means drinking six to eight glasses of water throughout the day. Check with the doctor if your relative prefers other fluids. Limiting alcohol is also important.
• Compression stockings. Depending on the root cause of your relative’s OH, these could be helpful. They can improve blood flow and reduce OH symptoms by applying gentle pressure to the legs.
• Safe environment. Falls are a major concern with dizziness! Remove trip hazards such as loose rugs, keep walkways clear, and make sure there’s adequate lighting, especially at night. In the bathroom, install grab bars and use nonslip mats.

Being proactive and making small changes can improve your loved one’s daily life with OH.

Is dizziness making daily life harder for your loved one?
At Compassionate Community Care, we provide solutions to manage orthostatic hypotension (OH). As the San Francisco experts in caregiving, we can help you create a safe, comfortable environment for your loved one. Call us today at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

It’s a common refrain and the bane of many family members: Your loved one is having trouble, yet he or she refuses outside help. This can put your relative at risk. But if the worst happens and things go south, it also ends up making more work for you. Doubly frustrating when you know it could have been prevented.

Rather than battling head on for acceptance, you might try a softer approach:

Build empathy. Ask your loved one what their concerns are. Just listen and try to identify the hot-button issue underneath the reaction:

• Is it an issue of cost? – He or she may not know about Medicare coverage or the actual cost of the service. Your loved one may also underestimate his or her financial resources.
• Is it an issue of control? – Fear that this is the beginning of the end in terms of living independently.
• Is it an issue of privacy? – “My home is my refuge from others.” Or concern about being judged for lifestyle choices.
• Is it an issue of pride? – “I don’t need a babysitter!”
• Is it lack of knowledge (or denial) about their health? – Some people minimize the toll an operation or disease is likely to take.
• Is it an issue of feeling loved? – “My family will take care of me.”

Validate feelings. All of these are valid reactions and worthy of exploration. You might start with, “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I see why you’re concerned….”

Explore thoroughly. Before problem solving, ask more questions. “Tell me more about that. It’s important that I understand.” The more your relative feels “heard” and the more you genuinely comprehend his or her issues, the easier it will be to work together to find a viable solution.

Is your relative resisting help?
At Compassionate Community Care, we frequently get calls from family members who want our help but are sure their loved one will refuse. Actually, we have had great success arranging a meeting with the older adult. Sometimes it’s simply easier for them to talk with a professional than to reveal concerns or vulnerability to a family member. As the San Francisco expert in aging well, we can help. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Older drivers are generally more cautious, but also more vulnerable to injury during a crash. Good news: Keeping your relative safe on the road may be easier than you think. But it could require upgrading to a newer car. Choosing the right car features can improve safety, comfort, and ease of use—and reduce risk for your loved one.

Crash safety first
When assessing a car, review crash-safety ratings first. You can find ratings from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) at www.iihs.org/ratings or www.SaferCar.gov.

 Advanced safety features to consider for common problems of aging

• Looking over the shoulder. Choose a car that’s vintage 2018 or newer, when backup cameras became standard equipment. Parallel parking assistance helps by displaying a video view of the back end of the car. It also can include guiding lines and even alerts when the car is getting too close to an obstacle. Blind-spot monitoring alerts the driver when cars are approaching from the rear yet may not be visible in the mirrors.
• Difficulty seeing at night. Find a car with LED headlights. LED light spreads wider and projects farther than previous light technology. High-beam assistance may help your loved one feel more confident using the bright setting because it automatically changes to regular when it senses an approaching vehicle.
• Arthritis and stiff joints. “Proximity keys” that unlock the car when standing close by remove the need to struggle with fishing out a key to grasp and twist. They also provide for push-button start as well as opening of side doors, hood, and trunk. Heated seats and a heated steering wheel can ease back pain and stiff hands.

Assistive devices. Consult with an occupational therapy/driver rehabilitation specialist before adding nonfactory parts, such as hand controls and steering devices.

If you or your loved one has concerns about whether they should still be driving, get a professional driving assessment.

Are you worried about your loved one’s safety?
At Compassionate Community Care, we understand the unique needs of older drivers and offer expert advice on choosing the best car options to enhance safety, comfort, and ease of use. Don’t wait—reduce your loved one’s risk with the right car features. Contact us today at (415) 921-5038. Together, we can make the roads safer for everyone in San Francisco.

We come into the world with an immediate need for touch—to feel safe and comforted. Touch is often described as our “first language,” and it remains essential throughout life. In our elder years, our other senses diminish (sight, hearing, smell, taste), giving touch extra importance. Think of your loved one: Has widowhood or isolation left them few options for physical contact? They may be experiencing “touch hunger.”  

The COVID-19 pandemic underscored the crucial importance of touch. Recall the poignant pressing of hands to windowpanes? And the “cuddle curtains” people concocted, adding sleeves to shower curtains so they could safely hug family members.  

Touch supports overall health. Research shows that friendly touch releases hormones that reduce stress and anxiety, bolster immunity, improve sleep and mood, and reduce pain. If your loved one has dementia, touch helps reduce depression and angry outbursts. Pets can provide similar benefits. Adding touch therapies and physical contact to your relative’s routine can significantly enhance their overall mental and physical health. (And are you getting enough touch?)

Ways to add gentle touch to your loved one’s life

• Offer a handshake or an arm for support.
• Give a meaningful hug when appropriate.
• Dance together, swing and sway just for the fun of it!
• Apply lotion to hands, arms, and feet. (Consider switching roles to allow them the joy of giving touch as well.)
• If a live-in pet is not an option, consider asking if there’s a pet therapy service in the area. Even robotic pets can offer many of the same benefits.
• Consider professional massage therapy, even just for head and shoulders or legs and feet. Many providers will come to the home.

Permission. Some individuals are not comfortable with spontaneous touch or may feel surprised. When initiating touch, ensure it is welcome by making eye contact, asking permission, and observing body language.

Are you concerned about lack of touch in your loved one’s life?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care understand that health and well-being are not just an absence of disease. Explore how we can help make a difference in your loved one’s life. Contact us at (415) 921-5038.

Perhaps you are looking forward to visiting relatives this holiday season. If your loved one has dementia, however, consider their condition a “third guest” with very particular needs to be addressed. Here are tips for a smoother visit:

• Leverage environmental support. Pack along your relative’s favorite mug, jacket, stuffed animal, or other comforting items. Also arrange for a quiet space away from the hubbub in case things get too chaotic for your relative.
• Stick to basic routines. Maintain your usual home schedule for sleep, bathing, and medicines. This conserves your loved one’s mental energy.
• Be flexible. If it’s a bad day or your loved one gets overwhelmed, be willing to bow out of event(s) and have quiet time.
• Prepare for disorientation. Put a sign on the bathroom door. Going out, put your name and mobile phone number on a card in their pocket or wallet, with a note about memory loss. Perhaps attach a Bluetooth or GPS tracker to their jacket so a mobile app can locate them if they wander off.
• Be watchful for agitation. If you see signs of edginess, take action to soothe and distract them early. Validate their emotions and move together to a quieter place. Try to identify the trigger. If it’s a sudden, extreme reaction (delusions, hallucinations), consider going to the ER. It could be a sign of a bladder infection or other painful condition.
• Forewarn family before the visit. Let them know what helps (routines, calm touch, quiet space, flexible plans). And not to take outbursts personally. Also, prepare them for what doesn’t help—for example, scolding or reasoning are not appropriate. Your family member will be doing the best they can!
• Reflect afterwards. If you come home enheartened by the trip, great! But if you return feeling tired and despondent, maybe it’s time to get more support.

Planning to travel this holiday season?
There are many ways to prepare ahead of time so your loved one is not overly challenged. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care know strategies for easing the stress of traveling with a person with dementia. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Many of us regard the Thanksgiving holiday as an annual opportunity for counting our blessings.

There’s good reason for practicing the giving of thanks throughout the year: Research suggests that cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” is associated with

• reducing depression. Gratitude helps you be thankful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.
• reducing anxiety. Gratitude can help you focus on what’s working in the present. Anxiety tends to focus on fears about the future or ruminations about the past.
• improved heart health. Focusing on gratitude slows the heart rate. In addition, keeping a gratitude journal can drop the diastolic value (the lower, resting blood pressure number). This is the pressure when the heart is filling with blood and the system is at its lowest amount of pressure. (If the bottom number is high, that’s not good.)

Gratitude is a choice. You don’t have to feel deep gratitude welling up in your heart. It’s not about denying the bad things. Being grateful is about making sure you notice the good things too and don’t take them for granted. Gratitude is a perspective. If you can make it a habit, it will pay dividends through thick and thin.

Consider these options: 

• Morning reflection. Before you take up the tasks of the day, pause to give thanks for a past blessing. Perhaps a teacher who influenced you. A special vacation. Or a favorite family dessert. Let the sensation of gratitude soak in during a few minutes of silence.
• Daily log. At the end of your day, take a moment to reflect. What are you thankful for today? Assistance received at the pharmacy? A phone call from a friend? A beautiful sunset? Deepen your appreciation by keeping a written gratitude log.
• Giving gratitude. As you go about your life, look for opportunities to say “thank you.” Was a store clerk extra helpful with mom? Perhaps a neighbor did some yard cleanup for dad. Give that person a call or send a thank you (note, text, or email).
• Weekly check-in. It’s easy to have the days and years go by in a busy blur. Instead, set aside time each week for savoring recent experiences and identifying good things to anticipate. Better yet, strengthen your gratitude by recounting your blessings with another.

Having trouble feeling grateful?
It’s not always easy. But we at Compassionate Community Care notice that gratitude can be cultivated, and to profound effect. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we see the ways a balanced perspective can help families regain a stronger footing despite the challenges of eldercare. Let’s start the conversation. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

“Frailty” used to be a rather vague description, like “old age.” Currently, however, it is recognized as a cluster of conditions that deserves medical attention.

The following are signs of frailty:

• Complaints of fatigue
• Physical inactivity
• Slow gait (walking speed)
• Poor balance (frequent falls)
• Decreased strength (for instance, weak hand grip)
• Unintentional loss of 10 pounds, or 5% or more of body weight in the past six months

Between 5% – 17% of older adults can be considered “frail.” There is a continuum of frailty from “prefrail” to late stage. Frail individuals are more likely to become seriously ill from simple infections. They are more likely to be hospitalized and to become disabled. Not surprisingly, they are more likely to die sooner than their nonfrail peers. 

Frailty seems to involve a combination of physical processes in the body that reduces our normal reserves and resilience to bounce back from illness or a fall. Chronic inflammation—the immune system on hyperdrive—is a factor. Also the common reduction of muscle mass as we age. People with multiple chronic conditions also seem to be at higher risk.

No one organ system is to blame. And there are no blood tests, x-rays, or other imaging tests to confirm frailty.

To determine the level of frailty (and how best to approach it), you will want to get a full geriatric assessment. This will involve identifying medical conditions and creating a list of medications. But it also requires a functional assessment (how well your loved one can complete daily living tasks). Fall risk, hearing, vision, mental health, and cognitive impairment testing are also included. A Care Manager can assist you with these assessments.

Some aspects of frailty can be remedied. If your relative is in the “prefrail” or early-frail stage, they could benefit from strength training and balance exercises. Understanding frailty for those further down the continuum can help with decisions about how well a surgery or aggressive treatment is likely to be tolerated, or whether hospice is the most supportive option.

Are you concerned your loved one may be frail?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care see frailty come up time and again in medical decision making. Want to learn what you can do to improve your relative’s resilience? Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

Imagine that your relative goes to the hospital for an outpatient procedure. That’s no big deal. But their blood pressure skyrockets during the event. So the hospital decides to keep your family member overnight for monitoring. They have a bed and receive meals. You might readily assume they’ve been admitted as an inpatient. In this example, they are on “observation status” only.

Financially, this distinction could be very important. In Medicare terms, patients on observation status are outpatients. This means Medicare will likely cover at least some of your relative’s hospital visit. But for observation, they pay under Part B, which could mean greater copays and additional uncovered expenses. Money out of pocket. Another detail: Only those formally admitted for three overnights are covered by Medicare for follow-up care in a skilled nursing facility (SNF). The cost of SNF care adds up VERY quickly.

Medicare has strict rules about whether or not a patient qualifies for hospital admission. If a doctor is unsure, they must put the patient in observation status. Ideally, when this happens you receive a notification called MOON (Medicare outpatient observation notice). This notice explains why the care is considered outpatient instead of inpatient. It usually also clarifies the difference in coverage for the hospital and for any aftercare.

If you feel your loved one has been wrongly assigned, you can appeal the decision. You may want to talk first to someone in the hospital billing office. They can help you determine what the out-of-pocket costs would be under inpatient versus observation status.

Avoid unpleasant surprises! Anytime it looks like your loved one will be staying overnight, ASK several people if they are an inpatient or on observation status.

Are you confused about Medicare’s hospital coverage?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care make it a point to clarify a client’s status when they are in the hospital. If they meet the criteria, we advocate for full admission. You don’t have to do this alone. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

For family caregivers, the prospect of the holiday season is often more daunting than delightful. How do you decide what to keep and what to trim away?

Prioritize activities with people you enjoy. Spend time with those who nourish your soul rather than those who criticize or deplete you.

Focus on what gives meaning to the season. Often what we are seeking in our activities is an emotional outcome: Feelings of love and closeness. The comfort of belonging, tradition, and community. A sense of spiritual affirmation.

Cull out low-priority activities. Every time you say yes to one “obligatory” event (perhaps the office party?), you are reducing your time and energy for the activities you truly relish. Strive to cut out half of your holiday tasks. Value quality over quantity.

Prepare for others’ disappointment. Explain that your focus is on caring for your loved one—a noble reason. And to do that, you need to pare back. It may be your relative does not do well with disruptions to routine, or that they lack stamina for the usual activities.

Brainstorm simplifications.

• Meals. Prepare a crockpot soup and sandwich for a lunch gathering instead of a full dinner. Or ask others to contribute instead of cooking a whole meal. Order a precooked entrée, or the side dishes, or dessert. Go out to eat.
• Decorations. Bring out one or two favorite symbols of the season. Use music, or simmer herbs or spices to evoke the holiday spirit.
• Gifts. Get 100% off on Black Friday by foregoing gifts altogether! Let your family know you are opting out of gift giving and prefer to not receive any. Or that you’ll give to children only. Maybe send cards of appreciation to key people or write a letter to all, recounting the events of the past year. Perhaps make a single donation in the name of the family to a cause that all might value. Or if you must give something to individuals, consider an experience (an invitation or tickets for an activity to do later in the year). Experiences are typically more meaningful than objects.
• Gatherings. Especially if your loved one has health or mobility challenges, look for online options to connect without the logistics of travel and bad weather (video calls, online concerts or religious services, etc.).

Are the holidays adding to your stress?
Let us help. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care have a lot of experience reducing the load for family caregivers. You don’t have to do this alone. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.