It’s not easy to lose abilities and admit you need help. The reluctant elder in your life is more likely to ease into acceptance if you listen respectfully and offer compassion and a commitment to working together. Today, we look at elders’ concerns around privacy and pride.

Privacy. Having someone underfoot can feel intrusive, especially if your relative is used to living alone. Perhaps they fear being judged or that word of unhealthy food choices or alcohol use may get back to the family. Maybe your relative tends toward hoarding and is embarrassed. Or has worries about safety with a stranger or the risk of theft. All of these are reasonable concerns for any adult who values their independence. You can address privacy concerns by

• starting with part-time help
• hiring a friend
• working with an agency that does background checks and drug testing

Pride. “Do you think I need a babysitter?!” Our culture places high value on self-reliance. Anything that implies a need for help suggests weakness or incompetence. When you approach your relative,

• shift from “we think you need help” to “we want to help you stay in charge of your life.” Working with your relative toward a common goal is a welcome and respectful approach.
• clarify what type of care is needed. For instance, a nurse to dress a wound is different from someone who cooks and cleans.
• start with a short-term arrangement framed as “while you recover” or “just to see how it goes.” Then consider a more permanent arrangement.
• talk about getting help as a way to liberate your loved one’s energy to do other activities they really enjoy.
• emphasize your relative’s other abilities. If Mom can no longer do housekeeping, make sure to praise her often about her cooking talents.

Would a little coaching help?
At Compassionate Community Care, we understand what a delicate line you have to walk— respecting a relative’s concern while at the same time addressing real issues of health and safety. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we can help you grapple with your own frustrations and find the balance you need to take the next step with your loved one. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

When a loved one obviously needs help at home but refuses to allow it, it’s frustrating! Below are two common concerns, with suggestions for ways to problem solve together.

Cost is a very practical barrier. Many older adults feel particularly vulnerable where money is concerned. With a fixed income, they don’t want to spend! But the cost of help depends on the type of help needed.

If licensed care providers are what your relative needs—for example, home visits with a physical therapist after a hip surgery—Medicare and supplemental insurance usually cover these costs.

If nonmedical help is needed (cooking, laundry, errands), there may be resources available. Maybe your relative has long-term care insurance. Perhaps they are eligible for VA benefits. Consulting with a Care Manager can bring these possibilities to light.

Or it may be that your loved one does not have an accurate picture of their financial resources. If you are the person your loved one trusts with money matters, ask if you can review the facts together so you can better understand their concerns.

Retaining control over their life. It’s common for accepting help to symbolize “the end of my independence.” That’s a scary thought. Realistically, though, all of us will need assistance at some point. You might try asking, “Under what circumstances would you see yourself accepting help at home?” This allows your loved one to explore their own red flags. Plus, it gives you insight about what life event might make home care acceptable and why.

When hiring help, look for ways your relative can retain as much control as possible:

• Picking the caregiver
• Choosing the days and times for help
• Deciding on the care attendant’s tasks and participating in giving the instructions
• Clarifying if this is a short-term or long-term arrangement

Does this conversation feel like a battle?
At Compassionate Community Care, we often notice that an older adult will be more resistant to their child’s suggestion regarding help than they are when they talk with a professional. With a professional, there is less face to save and no family baggage. As the San Francisco experts in aging well, we’d be happy to talk with you about options for introducing the subject. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038. Let’s see what we can do.

The death of a pet can be heart wrenching for anyone, and older adults are no exception. Especially for those living alone, pets serve as primary sources of companionship, comfort, and affection. They are often considered family members. This deep bond can make the loss of a pet feel as intense as losing a human loved one.

Unfortunately, grief about a pet’s death often goes unrecognized or is dismissed as less consequential than other losses. If your loved one has lost a pet, they may not want to share their feelings for fear of being judged. But when pain goes unacknowledged, it tends to feel even worse.

Consider how you can help them during this tender time:

Validate emotions. Let your loved one share their feelings freely. Hold back from trying to fix their pain. Your intentions are good, but what’s more valuable is to offer them understanding and validation. If they have trouble opening up, start with asking them to share stories about the pet.

Honor the pet. Brainstorm together what would feel most meaningful in memoriam. Perhaps they’d like to hold a simple ceremony and share memories of their pet. Or to preserve something special in their home, such as a collar or framed picture, to maintain a feeling of connection.

Find support. Seek out a local or online pet loss support group where your loved one can join with others who understand what they’re going through. Grief counseling may even be appropriate.

Consider donating. If finances permit, making a donation to an animal charity in the pet’s name can help channel the sadness into a positive action. Pass on favorite toys or blankets to a friend’s pet or a shelter.

Continue to check in with your loved one about how they are feeling. This is important even months after the loss. Offer a kind and compassionate ear. The grief process cannot be hurried.

Supporting a loved one through transitions?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care can help support your relative through grief and all the other emotions that aging has to offer. We are here as guides for the journey. Contact us today at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

Is caring for a loved one beginning to feel like a wallop to your wallet? AARP estimates that family caregivers spend an average of $7,242 out-of-pocket each year. Your family member’s needs may also force you to reduce work hours or quit your job, affecting your present income and your savings for retirement.

Here are a few strategies to help manage caregiving costs:

Create a budget and use available benefits. Create a budget for caregiving expenses and track them separately. (This makes tax filing easier!) See if your employer offers flexible hours or paid family leave so you can keep working. Check with your relative’s Area Agency on Aging (AAA) for support in learning about local caregiver aid programs.

Leverage tax benefits. Review your caregiving expenses to see if you can claim your relative as a “dependent.” If so, you can deduct many expenses. Also consider creating a flexible spending account to cover their healthcare costs.

Seek government support. Review your loved one’s assets to see if they qualify for programs through Medicaid or Veterans Affairs. Medicaid services vary from state to state. Contact the office nearest your relative to learn about state programs, which can include payment for home care.

Ask for help and use community resources. Ask family members for help with either hands-on caregiving or paying for outside help. Instead of everyone buying Mom another scarf for her birthday, put that money into a fund for her care. Search for programs offered by local agencies and nonprofits. Many offer free or low-cost services such as respite care or transportation. Some service and/or fellowship organizations (e.g., Rotary, Lions) also have programs for eldercare.

Plan ahead. Keep an eye on your financial future and care needs. Look into long-term care insurance or an employer eldercare savings account. Consider professional guidance.

Providing loving care doesn’t have to mean financial hardship for you. Taking these steps may help ease the strain.

Is caregiving affecting your finances?
Caring for a loved one often comes with financial challenges—higher daily expenses, reduced income, and less opportunity to save for your retirement. At Compassionate Community Care, we provide resources to help you navigate the financial impact of caregiving. Our team is dedicated to supporting caregivers like you through these difficult choices. Reach out today at (415) 921-5038 to learn how we can help you manage caregiving without sacrificing your financial stability.

Imagine living in a home you’ve known for years but that suddenly feels unfamiliar and confusing. This is the reality for many people with cognitive impairment. If you care for someone with dementia, you may be wondering how to help them continue living at home as they decline. Start by creating an environment that supports both their safety and comfort.

There are basic strategies to use throughout the house. Remember that not only memory changes, but also spatial awareness and depth perception. So, simplify: Remove clutter. Use soothing colors, no busy patterns, and contrasting colors to emphasize a change in surface (door vs. wall, a step vs. floor). Good lighting is important, but eliminate glare. Also fix any odd hinge squeaks or sounds that might be confusing.

Then look at things room by room. Here are some suggestions:

• Living room. Remove throw rugs, which are a fall hazard, and any seldom-used furniture. Put their favorite chair in clear view of the kitchen or bathroom. Keep familiar items such as photos, a clock, or a calendar that make it feel like home.
• Kitchen. Open shelving or see-through cabinets make it easier to find items. Label closed storage with pictures or words. Stove coils can be replaced with temperature-limiting burners. Many smart appliances have automatic shut-off or large digital displays for reminder messages.
• Bathroom. Install grab bars near the toilet and in the shower. A raised toilet seat can ease sitting/standing. Add contrasting colors to bathroom fixtures such as the toilet seat and faucet handles. Clearly label hot and cold faucets. Motion lights can reduce falls.
• Bedroom. Add labels to drawers and closets to aid memory and organization. Ensure the bed is at a comfortable height. Add a soft night-light as a guide to the bathroom. Remove any throw rugs.
• Outdoors. Clear pathways in the garden or yard, ensuring they are well lit and easy to navigate. Install secure gates if wandering is a concern. If you want to discourage them from leaving the house alone, camouflage door handles leading to the exterior.

Involve your loved one in the decision making whenever possible­. It’s their home, after all. You can make many of these changes yourself, but professional help is available. Occupational therapists or aging-in-place specialists can assess specific needs and make recommendations. Some updates may require a contractor or handyman.

Is home comfortable for a loved one with dementia?
Creating a dementia-friendly environment can make a big difference. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care understand your loved one’s needs and can provide resources for creating a home that supports independence and well-being. Contact us at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

Junk mail creates an annoying and potentially dangerous situation for older adults, especially if they have dementia or mild cognitive impairment. It’s not just about clutter; important bills or tax notices can get overlooked, leading to missed payments or double payments. Worse, your relative might fall victim to a financial scam or be tempted to buy things they don’t need.

Tackling this issue requires two steps.

Reduce unwanted mail getting to your loved one. Start with these services:

• Eliminate prescreened credit offers—a huge risk for identity theft—through OptOutPrescreen.com. This will also stop insurance offers that might otherwise confuse and worry your relative, especially those that mention “Medicare.”
• Cancel catalogs through catalogchoice.org.
• Take opt-out action on behalf of your family member through the DMAchoice.org “Caretaker” registry. You can also opt out of spam email.

If undesired mail continues to arrive, contact the companies directly to request removal.

Protect important mail. One option is to rent your loved one a private mailbox at a neighborhood mailbox store. This would keep important mail such as bills and personal letters from getting mixed with other mail. Consider going paperless for recurring expenses (this requires tracking bills online).

When sorting mail, have your relative throw away what’s not needed and shred anything that has sensitive information. Then, organize the “good” mail into categories. Start with bills that need to be paid, items that require follow-up, invitations, and coupons or useful catalogs. Review them weekly with your loved one.

If managing this process becomes too overwhelming or you are a long-distance caregiver, consider the services of a daily money manager. These bonded and insured professionals can manage mail and bills. This provides stress relief for you. And less financial risk and clutter for your relative. Peace of mind is priceless!

Is “snail mail” creating clutter?
Junk mail can lead to missed bills and potential scams, especially for older adults. At Compassionate Community Care, we offer solutions to protect against financial risks. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we can help you stay organized and stress free. Call us to learn more at (415) 921-5038.

Many of us have the habit of procrastination. We stall rather than move forward decisively. Ultimately, of course, decisions are made and things get done. But we tend to heap on self-criticism about having put things off.

All that self-criticism is in fact misguided. Research indicates that berating oneself actually seems to promote procrastination! It turns out that putting things off isn’t rooted in laziness or bad time management. Rather, it stems from fear of failure or fear of others’ judgment of our performance. A Princeton study suggests that “self-compassion” may be a more fruitful path to getting things done.

If you find yourself procrastinating, try this approach to feeling better (and doing more!):

• Check your self-talk. Instead of commanding yourself to “just get on with it,” listen consciously to your inner voice. You might discover thoughts such as, “I have to call health insurance about Mom’s bill! But I always feel so dumb when I talk with them.” Or, “Dad’s bedroom is a mess. I should clean it, but Sis will just find something wrong with what I’ve done.”
• Put it in perspective. You’re not unwilling to do the task, you just don’t want to end up feeling stupid or inadequate. That’s not “bad,” that’s just human and understandable!
• Give yourself realistic, gentle support. Acknowledge that anxiety and fear of criticism are the culprits. Rewrite your internal script more positively. For example, “It’s perfectly okay to have questions about Mom’s bill. It doesn’t mean I’m dumb. Insurance bills are complicated. It’s the company’s job to explain the statement if it isn’t clear.” Or, “It doesn’t feel good when Sis says those things. I need to take a deep breath and let it go. Just because we do things differently doesn’t mean that I don’t do a good-enough job.”

Having trouble getting everything done?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care understand the tendency to put things off. There’s so much to do and only 24 hours in the day! If you are having trouble getting everything done, let us help with the eldercare side of your to-do list. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038. You don’t have to do this alone.

Being a family caregiver has plenty of sweet moments, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also emotionally challenging. It’s often stressful when you are searching for answers, wondering if you’re doing enough, and coping with the confusion of your changing relationship.

Here are five strategies to help you stay grounded and calm while caring for a loved one. Try them one at a time and notice what works best for you:

1. Practice self-compassion. Listen to your self-talk and be as kind to yourself as you would be talking to a friend. Eliminate perfection as a goal. Small acts of kindness, whether toward others or yourself, can soothe and boost your mood.
2. Connect with others. Share your feelings with friends, caregiver support groups, or a therapist to lighten your emotional load. Find a group through National Alliance for Caregiving, Family Caregiver Alliance, or the Hospice Foundation of America. Many health organizations, such as the Alzheimer’s Association, also have support groups.
3. Ask for help. Don’t hesitate to ask professionals, family, or friends for support. You can’t do it all alone and stay healthy. Make a list of tasks to delegate and say a big “YES” when help is offered. It’s also okay to say a grateful “No, thank you” to offers that don’t support your needs.
4. Stay present. Practice mindfulness by pausing for ten to fifteen minutes a day to take deep breaths and center yourself. Consider keeping a gratitude journal or quietly savoring a cup of tea. Such practices promote calm and let you appreciate the small joys in life.
5. Seek awe. Awe happens with wondrous experiences—falling stars, fireflies, a birth, a cathedral, a song—that amaze and add new dimension to life. Make time for awe. You may find it in nature, music, art, and/or spiritual experience. Noticing and savoring such moments can refresh your spirit and help keep everything in perspective.

Is caregiving taking a toll on you?
The journey can be rewarding, but it’s also filled with challenges such as stress, grief, and exhaustion. At Compassionate Community Care, we can offer strategies to help support your emotional health. As the San Francisco experts in caregiver support, we’re here to help you find balance and strength in your role. Call us today at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

If standing up causes dizziness for your loved one, even simple movements such as getting up from the couch or table can be unpleasant. The problem may be orthostatic hypotension (OH), also called “postural hypotension,” which happens when blood pressure drops suddenly after standing up from sitting or lying down. The resulting dizziness increases the risk of falls.

According to the Mayo Clinic, treatment should look beyond the low blood pressure to the root cause. Once the root cause is under treatment, you can help your loved one adopt some lifestyle changes to help prevent or manage their OH symptoms.

First, get a thorough diagnosis. Make the doctor aware of your relative’s symptoms. They may then run a number of tests for underlying causes. The list of possibilities is long and includes high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and vitamin B12 deficiency. Each of these requires treatment. Also, some medications contribute to OH by lowering blood pressure. Common culprits include diuretics, blood pressure medications, and certain antidepressants. Have your loved one’s medication list reviewed for potential side effects.

Learn practical steps for ongoing management. After identifying the root cause of your relative’s OH, the doctor will likely suggest taking some self-care steps. Following are some commonly recommended lifestyle changes:

• Slow movements. Sudden upward movements can trigger OH. Have your loved one wriggle and stretch their legs and feet before getting up. Then sit up slowly, pause, and stand gradually. If they still feel dizzy, they should sit or lie down until it passes.
• Proper hydration. One of the easiest ways to prevent OH is to stay hydrated. Typically, this means drinking six to eight glasses of water throughout the day. Check with the doctor if your relative prefers other fluids. Limiting alcohol is also important.
• Compression stockings. Depending on the root cause of your relative’s OH, these could be helpful. They can improve blood flow and reduce OH symptoms by applying gentle pressure to the legs.
• Safe environment. Falls are a major concern with dizziness! Remove trip hazards such as loose rugs, keep walkways clear, and make sure there’s adequate lighting, especially at night. In the bathroom, install grab bars and use nonslip mats.

Being proactive and making small changes can improve your loved one’s daily life with OH.

Is dizziness making daily life harder for your loved one?
At Compassionate Community Care, we provide solutions to manage orthostatic hypotension (OH). As the San Francisco experts in caregiving, we can help you create a safe, comfortable environment for your loved one. Call us today at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

It’s a common refrain and the bane of many family members: Your loved one is having trouble, yet he or she refuses outside help. This can put your relative at risk. But if the worst happens and things go south, it also ends up making more work for you. Doubly frustrating when you know it could have been prevented.

Rather than battling head on for acceptance, you might try a softer approach:

Build empathy. Ask your loved one what their concerns are. Just listen and try to identify the hot-button issue underneath the reaction:

• Is it an issue of cost? – He or she may not know about Medicare coverage or the actual cost of the service. Your loved one may also underestimate his or her financial resources.
• Is it an issue of control? – Fear that this is the beginning of the end in terms of living independently.
• Is it an issue of privacy? – “My home is my refuge from others.” Or concern about being judged for lifestyle choices.
• Is it an issue of pride? – “I don’t need a babysitter!”
• Is it lack of knowledge (or denial) about their health? – Some people minimize the toll an operation or disease is likely to take.
• Is it an issue of feeling loved? – “My family will take care of me.”

Validate feelings. All of these are valid reactions and worthy of exploration. You might start with, “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I see why you’re concerned….”

Explore thoroughly. Before problem solving, ask more questions. “Tell me more about that. It’s important that I understand.” The more your relative feels “heard” and the more you genuinely comprehend his or her issues, the easier it will be to work together to find a viable solution.

Is your relative resisting help?
At Compassionate Community Care, we frequently get calls from family members who want our help but are sure their loved one will refuse. Actually, we have had great success arranging a meeting with the older adult. Sometimes it’s simply easier for them to talk with a professional than to reveal concerns or vulnerability to a family member. As the San Francisco expert in aging well, we can help. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.