If your loved one has early dementia, you want to give them as much independence as possible, including with money management. This also means protecting them from pitfalls such as scams or overdrawn accounts. One option is to provide them with a “controlled spending” or prepaid debit card. To them, it will seem a basic credit card, but you’ll know that their spending is held to limits that you have predetermined.

More specifically, a prepaid debit card differs from a traditional debit card because it does not grant unlimited access to a bank account. Instead, you or your relative’s designated financial representative can add money as needed for planned expenses or to allow discretionary spending. It’s like a gift card, but you decide what limits should be in place to prevent overspending or cash withdrawals. When funds get low, you simply reload the card. Then you can be worry free while your loved one enjoys shopping, dining out, etc., independently.

Prepaid debit cards are available from major banks, but they don’t all offer the same benefits. Do your research before you sign up for anything! Here are some things to consider:

Set appropriate boundaries. Look for a card that gives you enough control to protect your family member. Think about blocking phone or online purchases to prevent overspending. You can also set transaction or cash-access limits to stop fraud or scams.

Create notifications. Some cards allow you to set up real-time spending alerts instead of waiting for a statement. You can even designate who can add money or authorize a helper/caregiver to use the card when making purchases for your relative.

Watch out for hidden fees. Some prepaid cards have fees for ATM withdrawals, online bill paying, monthly maintenance, or even infrequent use. Learn about and compare fees before choosing a card.

Are you helping an aging loved one navigate early dementia?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we know there is a lot to consider. You want to help preserve their independence for as long as possible, while also protecting their well-being. At Compassionate Community Care, we can help you find that balance and find resources to do so. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

If your parent is widowed, it’s a new world for both of you. How do you care for them in their grief and their totally new life of singlehood? And take care of your own grief, too? Widowhood often affects men and women differently in social life and daily tasks, but loneliness and disrupted routines are universal challenges. And researchers have found a powerful “widowhood effect”: a highly increased risk of mortality within three months of a spouse’s death. Yikes! Here are some ideas on how to provide support at this time.

Learn about grief. Grief can have physical, emotional, and even cognitive ramifications. And it’s different for everyone. But one thing is true—it takes time. And it often comes in waves or bursts, sometimes out of the blue. Prepare for holidays and anniversaries to be especially tender.

Show up. Ask specific questions. Be a presence in their life, whether by phone or in person. Show curiosity and care. Rather than a vague “How are you?” ask, “What part of the day feels hardest?” or “Would you like company for dinner tonight?” Share your memories and what you miss about the person who’s died. Saying something like “I keep thinking about how she hummed while cooking” or “I miss watching games together” creates a space where grief is shared rather than endured alone.

Help rebuild. Unplanned days, evenings alone, and an empty house can be difficult adjustments. Friends may assume your parent needs space. Or your parent may feel awkward reaching out. Try video chat dinners, simulcast TV watching, or regular outings together. Talk about which friends they might reach out to. Gently offer ideas for broader social engagement. For instance, they might join a class or return to a religious or spiritual community. Or volunteer with a local organization. Or find a group for their hobby, be it quilting, gardening, or cars.

Support overall well-being. New solo-life routines can help develop healthier sleep, eating, and exercise patterns. Also review the basics of running a household, especially if they have never lived alone before. Encourage your loved one to catch up with any overdue health checkups. Perhaps look for a local grief or widow-support group. Maybe even help them adopt a pet for companionship.

As you support your parent, acknowledge your own loss and seek outlets for your emotions. By showing up for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to be there for your parent.

Is your parent grieving?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care are experienced in helping older adults navigate life’s transitions, such as the loss of a spouse. We can help make sure that your loved one is cared for during this difficult time. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

If your loved one is having cataract surgery, that’s good news! It’s a common, quick outpatient procedure that can significantly improve their vision and thus their quality of life. That said, multiple steps are involved where you might need to provide support.

Before surgery. Most people do one eye first, then the other weeks to months later. Roughly one week before surgery, your relative will be examined by the doctor to determine the appropriate type of new lens to implant. They may also be given antibiotic eye drops to use presurgery to prevent infection. Eye drops can be tricky to manage, so expect that you or another caregiver may need to help.

The day of surgery. Make sure your relative follows presurgery instructions concerning food and medications. The procedure itself generally takes about thirty minutes and is painless. But with prep and monitoring afterward, it’s usually several hours total. Make sure to get clear aftercare instructions prior to discharge. And ensure they have a ride home from you or someone trusted, not a taxi. 

After surgery. Review the doctor’s discharge instructions. The usual instructions include that for a week or so, they should avoid bending over (putting on socks!), lifting heavy objects (what chores might they attempt?), or rubbing their eye. The doctor will likely provide a protective shield to wear at night. And they should use wraparound sunglasses outdoors to protect against dust and bright light. They may also need to use special eye drops. Showering is okay after twenty-four hours if they can avoid getting the eye wet. You or another caregiver may need to stay with them for a day or two to help them follow the protocol.

Your loved one may experience mild itching, redness, and discomfort for a few days. That’s normal. Watch for infection or persistent pain. Contact the doctor if anything seems off.

Plan for one or two immediate follow-up visits to check healing. Then, cultivate patience. It may take weeks or months for noticeably improved vision.

Is your loved one having cataract surgery?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care can help make a plan and provide support for both of you throughout the process. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

If your loved one suddenly developed difficulty with speaking, they probably have aphasia, typically from a stroke or traumatic brain injury. Struggling with slow or garbled speech can be frustrating for everyone involved. Following the advice of speech and occupational therapists will help your relative recover their abilities faster. Meanwhile, your support is invaluable in terms of bolstering their self-worth and confidence.

Try these aphasia communication tips:

• Remove distractions. Turn off the TV or radio. Move to a room that is quiet.
• Allow time. It takes effort to organize thoughts and form words.
• Let them find the right words. Filling in and guessing what is meant may seem helpful, but it actually undermines self-esteem.
• Listen patiently. Communication is more than an exchange of facts. It’s a way to express personality and competence. As a listener, relate as if you have all the time in the world.
• Confirm your understanding. Repeat back what you think was said.
• Keep it simple. Speak in short sentences. Avoid a long string of ideas or requests. Ask “yes” or “no” questions.
• Use nonverbal communication. Drawings, gestures, writing, and facial expressions can all be used to supplement or even replace speech.
• Consider apps. There are many mobile- and tablet-based apps for aphasia. Some provide assistance with speech exercises. Others offer symbols your relative can point to instead of speaking. Some even help your loved one stay engaged with others by sending emails and texts based on the symbols.

Create a communication card

To help your relative stay engaged and be independent, create a “business card” they can pass to waiters, receptionists, merchants, or service providers. Personalize it appropriately:

• I have aphasia: I have trouble speaking.
• No need to shout: I am not deaf.
• I do not have dementia: I think very clearly.
• Please be patient: Give me time to find my words.

Try to avoid overprotecting your loved one. Your intentions may be good, but leaving them out of conversation and decision making can have a negative effect on their self-esteem and autonomy.

Is communication difficult?
You are not alone in feeling frustrated. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care can help you and your loved one find easier ways to continue relating even in the face of aphasia. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.

When caring for a relative who has moderate to advanced memory loss, it can sometimes seem like they have disappeared into their own world. How do you create connection and support their quality of life when they seem capable of so little?

Music is proving to be one good answer to this challenge. Research shows that music is processed in parts of the brain that remain lively long after a person’s ability to “name that tune” is gone. Hearing familiar songs brings up old memories, essentially reconnecting a person to his or her sense of self and to times past.

Music can be a fun and valuable part of your caregiving toolkit. For instance, you can

• stimulate with lively tunes, especially music with a pronounced beat. This can help motivate your relative to get through tasks such as bathing and dressing.
• calm with soft, harmonious music that tends toward lullaby. Use quiet music to encourage them to take a nap or to soothe them at bedtime.
• redirect to address or avoid agitation. For instance, play favorite sing-along tunes at a time of day your relative is apt to pace or become irritable.
• connect with them through songs that prompt shared movement. Maybe dancing, or just toe tapping, swaying, or silly gestures.

You might look through some of their old records (or tapes and CDs). If the technology to play them is not available, search for the artists on a music streaming service or YouTube. You can even put together a playlist and have your relative listen with headphones.

For most purposes, strive for music that your relative knows and loves:

• Songs from childhood, with happy lyrics
• Music from youth (age 18–25), for memories of an energetic time in life
• Tunes of a favorite composer or performer that recall meaningful occasions
• Hymns and other religious music for comfort

Observe your loved one’s response to the music and make changes as needed. 

Do you need help with a loved one’s dementia?
We have seen time and time again how challenging this disease can be for everyone involved. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care have years of experience supporting older adults and their loved ones on this journey. Let us help make it a little easier. Call us at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

Choosing a nursing home for your loved one is a big decision. You want them to have excellent care, as well as safety and comfort. Nursing homes do offer 24/7 medical supervision and daily assistance, but they vary in quality. Here are some tips for conducting a search:

Do some research. Online, Medicare’s Care Compare tool lets you assess facilities based on ratings, health inspections, and staffing levels. (Just be aware some information may not be current.) Also, contact the local Area Agency on Aging or long-term care ombudsman in your relative’s location. They can provide local recommendations and reports on complaints. If your relative has dementia, look for a secure memory-care unit and specialized programs.

Visit and observe. Nothing replaces an in-person visit. Are residents well groomed and engaged? Staff friendly? Is the facility clean and orderly? Visit at mealtime to check food quality and how residents are helped. Watch how fast staff respond to call lights—delays may mean understaffing. Ideally, visit several times, including a weekend when staff levels often drop.

Check staffing and turnover. Having low staff-to-resident ratios and familiar caregivers matters. Experts recommend one nurse aide for every seven residents on the day shift. Talk with the aides about how long they’ve been there. High turnover can lead to inconsistent care. Be wary if the facility relies heavily on temporary staff who may not know residents’ needs well.

Ask questions. Talk to administrators, staff, and residents’ families. Ask about staff experience, emergency procedures, infection control, and fall prevention. Learn about activities, social engagement, and family councils. Medicare offers an online checklist of questions to ask. Above all, trust your instincts: if something feels off, keep looking.

Review the contract carefully. Before signing, review costs, policies on rate increases, and what services are included. Ask what happens if private funds run out—will Medicaid be accepted or will your relative have to move? An elder law attorney can also provide guidance.

Is it time for a nursing home?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care are familiar with local facilities and well versed in helping families find the best option for their relative. We can make recommendations based on needs and accompany you on tours. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038 to learn more. 

Eventually the time will come to recognize a loved one’s death. Do you know what kind of memorial they would like? Asking now, you might get a wave off: “I’ll be gone, so do whatever you want!” Or you might get some very specific feedback. These days, there are many possibilities. Funerals, with burials, generally happen within a week of death. They are traditionally formal and focus on loss. By contrast, a celebration of life can occur at a time and place, and in a style, that reflects your loved one.

When designing a celebration of life, the options are wide open. Consider the celebration an opportunity for people to share stories, tears, laughter, and gratitude in tribute to your relative. The event might be big, small, formal, or informal—whatever matches your priorities. Here are some examples to discuss with your family member or for you to think about, if discussion isn’t possible:

• Host a small group for lunch in a private room at a favorite restaurant or have a catered lunch or tea at someone’s home. An intimate circle provides time for each person to share some memories.
• Gather at your relative’s beloved nature spot, be it beach or mountainside, for a day. Start with a ceremony of honor and reminiscence, and then enjoy the outdoors and a potluck together.
• Rent a hall or other community space, hire musicians (bagpipe? harp?) and a caterer. Choose a master of ceremonies, and ask several people who were close with your relative to give tributes, perhaps each covering a different period of your loved one’s life. Provide an open mic for others to add their stories.
• Make it a virtual celebration so friends and family from anywhere in the world can participate. Everyone can share stories and display photos and contribute to a digital memory board.

Personalize it. No matter what the venue or size of gathering, consider creating a slideshow or memory table with photos or keepsakes. Add music, reading, or videos that reflect your loved one’s interests and spirit. You might include an interactive element, such as asking guests to bring a photo or favorite quote for a memory book, or offering them something symbolic to take home.

Get support. Ask a cherished spiritual leader, friend, or celebrant to help lead the event. Lean on friends and family for help setting up, managing tech, or handling music. Having support will help you remain present as you celebrate and honor your family member’s life.  

Looking for support with an aging loved one?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care offer help for every stage of the aging journey. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

The term “prediabetes” refers to a blood sugar level that is consistently higher than normal over time. It’s a common, symptomless condition that can lead to type 2 diabetes if not addressed. The good news: while almost 50% of older adults test into this category, research shows that few go on to develop diabetes—particularly if lifestyle changes are made.

Still, it’s important that the doctor check your loved one’s blood sugar levels regularly. Prediabetes (also known as borderline diabetes or glucose intolerance) can increase the risk of heart attack and stroke.

That might sound dire, but there’s more good news: rather than write a prescription, medical professionals usually recommend lifestyle changes for prediabetes. If your relative is dealing with this condition, some basic changes can lower their blood sugar levels before they become a problem. Support your loved one toward these strategies:

Healthy eating. Limiting processed foods is smart for everyone. Encourage your loved one to eat a variety of nutritious foods, such as lean proteins, vegetables, fruits, and whole grains. Treats are fine, in moderation.

More movement. Aim for about 150 minutes of movement a week. It can be whatever your relative likes: water aerobics, walking, tai chi, dancing, and even chair exercises. Check with your loved one’s doctor first for any cautions.

Weight loss. We’re talking modest weight loss goals. Shedding just 5% to 7% of body weight may be all it takes to bring down those blood sugar levels. And your loved one might achieve that loss simply by eating more vegetables and increasing activity.

Medical researchers studying prediabetes say that these lifestyle adaptations (as well as not smoking) are key to health for older adults. And while blood sugar levels are important, high cholesterol and high blood pressure are major risk factors for disease as well. They also should be monitored regularly by your relative’s physician. 

Are you concerned about an older adult’s health?
Let us support you both. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care can help you decipher diagnoses and work with medical professionals to create a plan of action. Call us at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

A condition that causes memory loss (dementia) is one of the most common reasons an elder can no longer live at home. To meet the need for safe housing, some assisted living facilities offer “memory units” or “memory care.” This a form of residential care specialized to meet the needs of people with cognitive impairment. There are also standalone facilities entirely devoted to this purpose.

Every aspect of memory care is designed for adults with dementia.

• More staff. Personalized attention is the heart of memory care. Familiarity is comforting to the person with dementia. It requires more staff per resident.
• Simplified environment. Fewer walls and shorter corridors are the norm. This way, residents can see where to go. They don’t have to remember. The decorations are usually homey. And clutter is kept to a minimum.
• Special activities. Cards or other strategy games are too hard for persons with dementia. Instead, these residences focus on social and creative activities. For example, a storytelling circle or sing-along.
• Extra safety measures. Exit doors are typically equipped with alarms that signal if they are opened without a special code. Residents do not have kitchens or potentially dangerous objects in their apartments.
• Additional staff training. Employees are taught how to work with people who have dementia. For instance, they may learn special techniques for calming an emotional outburst. Or how to recognize symptoms of pain in a person who is no longer able to speak.

Residents range from individuals with mild dementia to those in the late stages of the condition. A person with simple memory loss may need only verbal reminders to take their medications. At later stages, a resident may receive with dressing, bathing, and eating.

It’s important to know that monthly fees are higher for memory units than for basic assisted living. Medicare does not cover these costs. That’s because dementia is not considered an acute medical problem. If you think your loved one may need memory care now or in the future, consider consulting with a Care Manager to make sure you have all the information you need.

Are you worried about your loved one’s memory?
As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care get it. Watching someone’s cognitive ability decline can be scary. We’re here to support you with assessments and recommendations. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.

As a family caregiver, you may often feel frazzled as you juggle responsibilities to your loved one and everything else in your life. The good news is that you carry a tool for stress relief with you everywhere, all the time. It’s your breath! Specifically, how you breathe. It sounds almost too simple, but research has shown that certain breathing practices can help calm both body and mind, particularly when you are overwhelmed.

How it works. When stress takes over, it triggers a “fight or flight” response and keeps your body in overdrive. It can lead to a racing heart, tense muscles, and anxiety. Controlled breathing helps shift your body into a calmer “rest and digest” state—like pressing a reset button for your nervous system.

By slowing your breathing, you’re signaling to your body that there’s no crisis at hand. Studies show it can lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety, and even strengthen the immune system. Best of all, you can feel the results in just a few minutes. You are calmer and your thinking is more focused. Try it out when you’re frustrated with your relative, on endless phone “hold,” or just need to wind down for sleep. It’s a practical tool for getting grounded.

There are many breathing techniques. The basic rule is to deliberately slow your breathing and exhale longer than you inhale. Here are two protocols to try:

• Box breathing
  • Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, and hold again for four counts.
  • Repeat for one to two minutes.
• Cyclic sighing
  • Take a deep inhale through your nose, followed by a second short inhale to fill your lungs.
  • Exhale slowly through your mouth for twice as long as the inhale.
  • Repeat for five minutes.

While breathing exercises are safe for most, if you have heart or respiratory problems or any severe condition, consult your doctor before starting a new practice.

Do you often feel stressed?
You’re not alone! Stress is common when you are taking care of a loved one. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care are here to support you in your role. Let us help lighten your load. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038.