When you’re caring for your aging parent or spouse, you might be at a loss for how you can fit in grandparenting too. You might feel grief, jealousy, and even guilt that you’re not getting to be the grandparent you imagined. Don’t give up. Grandchild relationships are precious! Whether those families live nearby or far away, it is possible to keep a strong bond, even when caregiving fills your days.
Here are some ideas for how to use the limited time—and energy—that you have for grandparenting.
Reimagine what connection looks like. You don’t need hours to stay close. Even five minutes of focused attention can leave a lasting impression. Borrow ideas from long-distance grandparents, even if you live nearby: set up a regular video chat, share a playlist, send voice notes, or play a game together online. Use whatever your grandchild prefers—text, email, social media—or mail a postcard just because. Let them know they matter to you.
Start your own traditions. Send a special card, maybe a treat, every half-birthday, making it a day that’s yours and theirs alone. For a little one, you might read or sing to them via video chat, or send new pajamas before the first day of school each year. With an older child, make the same recipe and swap reviews. Over time, these small rituals deepen in meaning.
Include your children. Your adult children (and their partners) are your strongest allies in this quest. Give them some appreciation, such as, “I like how you’re [doing XYZ] with the kids.” Admiring words keep the door open for more regular updates and help create opportunities for you to be involved.
Expect mixed emotions. You might feel joy during a video chat, then sadness when it ends. It just doesn’t feel like enough. Meet these feelings with understanding. Emotional ambivalence is part of the normal landscape of your life right now. Acknowledging your feelings to yourself and to a friend, if possible, may lessen the sting.
Trust that you’re doing enough. Your stories, your laughter, your love all matter. What your grandchildren want most is to feel seen and cared about. Show up however you can. Strive to be consistent. Even if the contact is brief, it counts to them.
Is caring for an aging loved one making it hard to maintain other relationships?
Maybe it’s not just with your grandkids. Maybe you’re also missing out on connecting with friends or your spouse. As the San Francisco experts in family caregiving, we at Compassionate Community Care know it’s hard to find the time for everyone. We can help by taking some things off your plate. Give us a call at (415) 921-5038 to learn more.